Building Resilience: Strategies for Introverts to Thrive
This week’s article is a follow-up showing the handicaps faced daily by introverts in a professional environment and how we both suffer and profit from criticism. Our biggest challenge is maintaining a precarious self-confidence that can quickly vaporise through routine workplace feedback.
Disclosure. I use Generative AI tools to help me when writing. From outline suggestions to topics or subtleties I had yet to think of.
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Understanding an Introvert’s Mindset
Keeping our self-confidence intact is the only way we can function relatively normally from day to day. But it isn’t always that simple, unlike non-introverts who shrug off unfair criticism and rise to constructive feedback. We tend to take it all as a personal attack, even though we know it is mainly given with no thought of our feelings.
Obsessive Professionalism: An Introvert’s Odyssey
Many of us obsess over our professionalism, which then always takes a knock, no matter if we are given positive or negative commentary. As much as we try to process it, it always hurts us in one way or another.
Constructive Criticism Through an Introvert’s Lens
How can constructive feedback cause an introvert problems? Easily, the fact that it was necessary means that we fell down on the job and should have seen it ourselves. At worst, this can cause a negative feedback loop where we doubt future actions and decisions.
Naturally, self-confidence takes a hit yet again. While this may only last for an hour or two until we finally get things into perspective, it can also have a more long-lasting effect. This can be especially noticeable with the approach to work and the pace at which we work; consequently, productivity can suffer.
For the more extreme introvert, this negative impact can be long-lasting, even semi-permanent. With self-doubt governing every decision. And all because of the damage to self-confidence. Self-doubt can spiral out of control. Of course, this is the worst-case scenario that is, perhaps, exaggerated to make the point that an introvert’s confidence is delicate and easily damaged.
Fortunately, there are techniques we can apply to such situations to ensure that we only take away the positive aspects and use them to bolster, rather than damage, our confidence. More on these later.
The Sting of Unfair Critique: Navigating Harsh Waters
Everybody will be on the receiving end of unfair or negative criticism at some point in their working lives. It affects even the strongest of personalities, but an introvert’s reaction may come as a surprise. Initially, the reaction is as expected; hurt and self-doubt are most common.
An average person may also experience self-doubt but will quickly recover, put it down to the other person’s misunderstanding, or simply they are having a bad day. They may try to talk it out after a cooling-off period and clear things up. Either way, they quickly let it go.
An introvert’s first reaction may be similar: self-doubt, likely accompanied by a certain level of emotional pain. In this case, the emotional impact causes the most issues; for an introvert, there is no cooling-off period as the pain remains fresh and raw.
This emotional damage can reveal itself in several ways. I’ve realised that my reaction to overly harsh criticism is mostly anger, which takes a long time to dissipate. I’ve witnessed others where a desire for revenge accompanies the anger. A common feeling, I suspect, for non-introverts is also a permanent loss of respect for the person being harsh or unfair.
A Silent Threat to Introvert Stability
Identifying an introvert isn’t all that difficult; the longer you get to know someone, the more obvious it becomes. Unfortunately, there are those who, consciously or not, tend to take advantage of this. They use this knowledge to get their own way, as they know that if they keep pushing, the introvert will quickly back down, only to avoid conflict.
Any negotiations regarding salaries, promotions, or a list of any other work-related subject you care to think of are doomed to failure for the introvert. A manipulative person must only hold onto their position to win the discussion.
More subtle tactics are, if anything, more damaging to an introverted person. Constant sniping, veiled insults, and under-mining keep the introverted mind at a low ebb. As you may imagine, the quality and quantity of productive work may be seriously affected.
Why does a manipulative person act in these ways? Who knows, perhaps they enjoy the feeling of superiority. Whatever their motivation, there is never any excuse to treat others this way. An introvert will not fight back; if the manipulator tried it with an average person, they’d end up being smacked in the mouth, and they know it.
A Resilience Toolbox
So, how can you protect yourself? There is no quick fix, but there are several things you can do. Here are four areas that will help. It will take time, so don’t expect immediate results, but keep practising; you’ll get there.
Building Resilience
Building Resilience against criticism, view it as a chance for growth rather than a personal attack. Differentiate between constructive feedback and negativity. Practice mindfulness and self-compassion, like meditation, to maintain perspective and self-kindness. Seek clarity on unclear feedback to transform vague critiques into practical advice. Reflect on criticism to assess its validity and take appropriate action by making changes or moving forward.
Maintaining Self-Confidence
Maintaining self-confidence involves focusing on your strengths by listing skills and successes and recalling them, particularly after criticism. Setting realistic, smaller goals helps build confidence through gradual achievements. Engaging in positive self-talk by replacing negative thoughts with affirmations is crucial. Keeping a success journal to record daily achievements and revisiting it in challenging times can significantly boost confidence.
Setting Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries involves defining and communicating your limits regarding how others treat you. It’s important to practice saying no when feeling uncomfortable or overburdened, as this supports mental and emotional well-being. Allocate time for yourself away from work to relax and enjoy rejuvenating activities. Clear and assertive communication of these boundaries, explaining your needs respectfully and without apology.
Advocating fo Yourself
Advocating for yourself in the face of criticism or conflict involves several key steps.
- Prepare your points by organising your thoughts.
- Differentiate between aspects of criticism you agree or disagree with and understand why.
- Avoid accusations by using “I” statements to express your feelings and thoughts.
- Aim for mutual understanding by acknowledging the critic’s viewpoint while clearly stating your own.
- Practice assertiveness to express your needs and feelings firmly yet respectfully.
- If surprised by the criticism, request a follow-up meeting after processing the information.
- Learning and practising negotiation skills can help find common ground that respects both perspectives.
Final Thoughts
If you are an introvert, take heart that you are not alone. There are many of us in the world, all suffering to varying degrees. Perhaps you are fortunate and work with sympathetic colleagues and managers who recognise your difficulties and make allowances for you. If you aren’t so lucky, it’s easy to say to move on, but as an introvert, not so easy to do. There is comfort within an environment, you know, even if it isn’t the best.
For those who work with introverts, have a heart. We do our absolute best but cannot do some things, or at least are unable to do them well. Try to make allowances; introverts can bring valuable strengths to the workplace, such as deep focus, analytical abilities, creative writing skills, and innovation. Give them room to grow, and you will reap the rewards.
KodifyIT B.V. is an advisory bureau targeting businesses that have either been on the receiving end of a failed project or are aware of the potential pitfalls and wish to mitigate as much risk as possible while developing a project’s client requirements. We aim to side-step any issues before they cost time and money.
I apologise to my readers for some of the spellings you may feel are incorrect. I was born and brought up in the United Kingdom, and this is the spelling I am comfortable with (Grammarly is happy with it anyway).