Confronting the Mirror: An Introvert’s Struggle with Arrogance

Embracing Growth: The Continuous Journey of Self-Improvement

This week’s article is about arrogance and stubbornness in the workplace, my own in this case. I convinced myself that I was always in the right and everybody else was wrong. This was a side effect of my introversion and how I’d built up my defences over the years. And this is not, in any way, me trying to evade my own culpability.

Disclosure. I use Generative AI tools to help me when writing. From outline suggestions to topics or subtleties, I had yet to think of.

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Building Walls: The Defensive Nature of Introversion

Today, I was rightly taken to task for failing to meet what was seen as a commitment. The problem was that I didn’t see it that way at the time, for no other reason other than I thought it was obvious that the task would never be completed in the given timeframe. Only I didn’t communicate that clearly at all. This wasn’t the first time that a similar situation had happened either.

But it got me thinking. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Nobody suffers any consequences, apart from myself. And every time something like this does happen, I feel put upon and victimised, and it’s all down to me and who I am.

An introvert will learn, slowly and painfully, usually, how to build up their defences over the years. As these defences become more solid and formidable, ironically, as a side effect, they may also become more arrogant and stubborn. They are convincing themselves that their way of seeing the world is right. Total bullshit, of course. All they are doing is setting themselves up for a fall, or repeated falls in my case.

This week, we’ll explore the interplay between introversion, stubbornness, and arrogance in a professional setting. And include some suggestions to help resolve the issues. No excuses; it’s simply important to understand how and why this can happen and how to avoid these pitfalls.

The Introvert’s Shield: Understanding Our Defences

Now, we get into the nitty-gritty of the problem. As introverts, we are all too easily hurt by feedback or criticism. So, what does a person do when they are hurt? They try and make sure that they can’t get hurt like that again. In an effort to bolster self-confidence, they may appear, at least on the outside, to be anything but introverted.

Silent Strength: Sailing the Rough Waters of Criticism for Introverts

In my case, I got loud and arrogant. I convinced myself I was “smarter than the average bear” (thanks to Yogi Bear for that catchphrase; look it up). In truth, perhaps I am above average in the smarts department, but nothing spectacular. However, as a by-product, the line I took to fortify my delicate confidence insisted that I believed it. I still do, to a certain extent, I suppose. But, if this sounds familiar, there are always smarter bears out there in the real world. They will cut through the crap and see you for what you are.

The not-so-secret, I guess it comes from experience, is to acknowledge and accept your faults. This is the first and most vital step to figuring it out and preparing yourself for the next steps on your self-improvement journey. After all, we can’t go on like this, one day up and the next down. We all need stability to function reasonably effectively, don’t we?

The Arrogance Trap – When Being Right Goes Wrong

Let me try to illustrate the problem with a semi-theoretical scenario, actually not theoretical at all, but based on my latest adventure into the dead zone.

A specialist works for a small to medium-sized company; let’s call him Joe. Joe has been happily bumping along over the years, one hundred per cent convinced of his infallibility. Joe is an introvert. However, he has a terrific defence mechanism; Joe thinks that when something difficult comes along, the right thing to do is to pass it along to somebody else, anybody else. But Joe is the specialist, and his poor manager has no idea what Joe has just dumped in his lap.

The result is that nothing is done, and the problem hasn’t gone away. Eventually, the customer loses patience and starts to escalate. The “boss of bosses” gets involved, and he’s not happy. Poor Joe explains that he informed the manager while knowing in his heart that he should have picked this up weeks ago.

This illustrates another issue that some (many, most?) introverts are guilty of. We prefer to hide behind somebody else, the poor manager in this scenario. It never works out well for Joe, as it always comes back to bite him. Joe would have been better to screw the nut and figure it out at the proper time or make sure that assistance was given if needed.

The only thing Joe achieved was to make the customer unhappy, the boss of bosses unhappy, the manager unhappy, and Joe himself lamenting what a horrible day it had been. Relationships, both internal and external, are strained. The team is let down, and everybody is stressed. Not very well handled, Joe.

Stubbornness as a Double-Edged Sword

Stubbornness, for an introvert, is a sibling of arrogance. They both stem from the same defence mechanism source, at least. At its heart, being stubborn can, occasionally, be a good thing. The problem that eludes all efforts from being figured out is the strange behaviour of an application reported by a customer that cannot be reproduced or the new technology that requires focus and commitment to get to grips with.

In these examples, being stubborn is golden. The introvert goes that extra mile, tries different approaches, and invariably figures it out. Another way of putting it is that the individual is focused and excellent at problem-solving. Once they get their teeth into something, they won’t let go until it’s done and dusted.

On the other side of the coin, being a stubborn ass is not so positive. We, introverts, can insist that our opinion is the right one (even when we know that, either it isn’t or it may not be). We can’t afford to back down. Otherwise, we’ll feel like we’ve lost and sacrificed part of our hard-won self-confidence.

Obsessive Professionalism: An Introvert’s Odyssey

I’ve recently experienced the positive side of stubbornness when I had to figure out a new technology from scratch. The online documentation was spectacularly lacking in clarity. But I got my head down and kept pushing until it was done. Had I not been so stubborn, I would likely have given up or pleaded my case for assistance (even though nobody else could assist).

Strategies for Balance and Growth

So, what can we do about it? First and foremost, as has already been mentioned, accept that you are not perfect, close to perfection maybe, but not there yet. There is no need to admit to anybody else; just to yourself is enough, for now.

Learn to listen; I mean, really listen to what you are being told. Either verbally or in writing. Another one of my pet fails is not always reading the entire email, document, etc. This has led to more embarrassing situations than I care to remember.

Don’t assume anything; check, double-check, and check again. Be sure you fully understand. Remember, assume make an ASS of U and ME.

Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself (starting to sound a bit religious, doesn’t it?). You can’t expect others to respect you and your talents if you don’t respect them.

Teamwork is everything within an organisation. You may run your own one-person company, which is fine. But working within an organisation is always, and will always be, about the team. Time enough outside of work to goof off, but not on the job.

Professionalism is more than a word; it is how you act and achieve. Take commitments seriously; if something turns out to not be possible, at least within a given timeframe, make sure this is communicated clearly and repeatedly until the message is received. Load and clear.

I could expand every one of these for greater depth and, perhaps, external perspectives. After all, this is about personal growth. I’ll get more into the details in the next article. Promise.

Final Thoughts

For you younger introverts, you probably haven’t got as far as us old soaks in defence building yet. So then, the points covered here are something to watch out for in the future. Try to recognise the potential problems and make sure you don’t go down the same hole as I have.

Hopefully, those older introverts reading this will sympathise and nod their heads thinking, been there, done that. I say hopefully, as I hope it isn’t just me who has these problems. On the positive side, if I am, then I can truly think of myself as unique. Only not is an especially good way.

Arrogance and stubbornness are real side effects of defence building. You must recognise them for what they are and only use them if the overall impact will be positive. A bit wishy-washy, I know. See if you can figure out a better way to put it.

I would appreciate feedback, in this case, positive or negative. I’m writing from my own experience, and it is rarely, never as far as I am concerned, that I get to share these thoughts with other introverts. So, please leave a comment or two or forty. I will reply to each and every one. Even the nasty ones.

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KodifyIT B.V. is an advisory bureau targeting businesses that have either been on the receiving end of a failed project or are aware of the potential pitfalls and wish to mitigate as much risk as possible while developing a project’s client requirements. We aim to side-step any issues before they cost time and money.

I apologise to my readers for some of the spellings you may feel are incorrect. I was born and brought up in the United Kingdom, and this is the spelling I am comfortable with (Grammarly is happy with it anyway).